rome, on the hange

After an arduous flight from the Melbournes all the way to Norway, I am finally home.
It was a good 10 months in Australia and Deakin Uni. All the people I met, all the things I learned and all the microwavable rice I ate.
Now that me and my roomates are in fact, no longer roomates, I can finally say: Øyvind, sorry about what I did to your toothbrush. I tought you were gonna throw it out anyway.

Anyway, moving along.
The flight! Yes, what a flight it was.7 hours from Melbourne to Singapore, then another 14 hours from there to London. The whole time I regretted my decision to wear a suit while travelling.

As usual, the Singapore Airlines stewardesses were deliciously delightful. That airline probably has the best service I’ve had on plane, but when you think about it they sort of have to when you’re flying for 14 hours. I applaud them for pulling it off though, I can only imagine how many assgrabs and lustfull gazes they get in one flight. Maybe they’re hypnotised before every flight. Or just robots. If they are robots, I would very much like to order one. (If a manufacturer is reading this, please contact me ASAP)

There are a few things though, that I’ve never been able to handle on planes. One of them is sleeping, and the other is taking a dump on plane toilets. But that’s a completely different story.

The closest thing to sleep I could get was a half-daze shrouded in a sort of suspended limbo between extreme bodily discomfort and great irritation from other passengers. Truly, it’s a dreadful experience.

Being home again is weird, to say the least. I was at the store today and hearing Norwegian everywhere almost made me miss Australian English. I used to hate Australian English, it sounds like they’re always excited and struggling to speak. I don’t know man, I’m not a linguist.
I was gonna ask a guy at the store where they had DVD racks, and in that short sentence I almost broke to English five or so times. I’m considering to just continue speaking English, why not ? It’s fun. And it’ll make me seem more interesting. Especially if I throw some accent in there, maybe Chinese. How often do you see a halfrican speaking English with a Chinese accent ?
See, I got an interesting story right there.

So, back to DVDs.  I’ve been organising my films all day. I still need to buy some new racks, cause I don’t have enough. Honestly I think I have too many movies. Along with my TV and consoles/stereo they’re occupying my whole wall. And it’s not a small wall, I don’t live in a closet.
See, I had packed down all my movies before I left so people wouldn’t go into my room and steal borrow them. Therefore, I had to unpack them when I got home and organise them all over again, along with the new movies I bought in Australia, which was 50 or so.
What annoys me is that I still can’t find my copy of Kung Fu Hustle. It needs to be right there next to Shaolin Soccer, you can’t just have on of them! The other one will get lonely.
One thing I will greatly miss about The Australias, is JB-HIFI. With their low low prices on movies and whatnot. They’re more expensive here, and that makes me sad.
Oh, and I will also miss my friends. I reckon. Lovely people. The peacock house who hauled away all our extra crap, good people. If they only knew of the atrocious things I have done in that chair. If it could speak, I’m sure it would just scream in horror. Sort of shell shocked, in perpetual post traumatic stress.

Anyway, thanks for reading.
I would like to end this post in a contest, whoever can guess when this photo was taken will win a SPECIAL PRIZE (it’s not a drawing of a phallus*)

*i do not guarantee that the prize is not a drawing of a phallus.

internet download limits make me sad

Hello there.
Here in Australia we have download limits on our internet subscriptions. This means that in our house, a house of 4 nerds, we can only download 60 gb a month. If you go over the limit, you pay extra per mb.

INCONVENIENT.

The billing period reset last friday, and I finally feel like this is a home again.
The odd thing though, was how well I worked while the internet was down. With schoolwork I mean.
We had our first week of lectures last week, and already; 3 homework assignements. I’ve finished one, and will commence the second shortly.

So much has happened, dear diary.

We picked up Resident Evil 5, as a birthday gift for Stian. He got the collectors edition, which was full of supersweet swag.

Me and Tukun have been playing it co-op. It is so cash. I don’t agree with people who say it’s racist because you mow down black people. It’s racist to zombies, not black people.
Your sidekick in the game is an African, but she honestly doesn’t look or sound anything like it. I don’t know what’s up with that.

I also bought “A Streetcar Named Desire”.
I’ve only been able to see half of it so far, because my pc’s DVD drive decided to stop reading it this morning.
The half I saw was really good, it’s so well written it busts out classic lines and memorable quotes every minute.
One of them of course being “Hey, Stella!”.

I will depart with another quote, slightly more poetic than the last one.

“All of these deaths, the long parade to the graveyard. Father, Mother…  Margaret, that dreadful way.
You just came home in time for funerals Stella. And funerals are pretty compared to death.” 

how to properly protect yourself from spiders

Bobbleheads on the headboard of your bed, armed with various futuristic weaponry.

I bought the Master Chief bobblehead some days ago, and it’s just one of the many novelty items to spend money on in this fine country.

In semi-related news,  I bought some nice clothes at the Salvation Army, who knew looking so good could be so affordable ?

let’s take a giant crap on a classic movie

Have y’all seen Lady and The Tramp?

A classic Disney movie, truly it is.
Surely it would only be fitting that Disney would be the one to defecate on this all time favorite.
I’m sure there is some odd forest animal that poops on it’s young, maybe to keep them warm. I don’t know.
Either way, Disney is just like this animal.

BEHOLD, AND TREMBLE IN HORROR

 

Disney and Paris Hilton’s bastard lovechild.

the crow remake

 

I hated that movie, and now. . they’re gonna remake it? What the hell?!

christmas in october

If the title is any kind of indication, it was my birthday last week.

October 5th to be precise.

Every year i end up obsessing on how many people remember my birthday, even subconciously i do this.
It’s like a way to measure how many friends I have. This years outcome? Bleak.
It always surprised me how the people i least expect to remember are the ones who do.

I got a lot of congratulations on my facebook wall, but honestly that doesn’t count at all. Whoever is on my friends list and who happens to be online will see it’s my birthday.
Because of this feature my wall became somewhat bombarded with cookie cutter messages. People i haven’t spoken to in years, people i’m sure never knew when my birthday was, even people I don’t really know.

Maybe they felt obliged to congratulate me on my 21st birthday, but for what? I really hope I wont be congratulated my any strangers next year. It’s honestly very awkward.

In related news, I believe a swag report is in order.

I received an external 750gb HDD, which is much needed since my laptop is running low on space.
I also got a DVD rack, holding 96 DVDs, I’m using it for my games, but I still need a few more racks for my 30-something loose DVDs.

That is all for now. Perhaps next time i will tell you about my toenails.

it’s a good day, take a picture

I done bought some movies today. Let’s talk about the movies i bought today. But first, i’d like to talk about the store i done bought them.

I walk past it almost everyday on the way to school, but it’s never open that early. On the way from school to the library i decided to drop by.  Their selection was unlike any other store i’ve been in. They seemed to focus on good movies, and stuff that’s definitely worthy of being in your collection.  They had a 5 films for 200nok (24€) But all the movies in that selection were pretty shitty. Though they had some cool stuff like the Japanese release of Prozac Nation. I have no idea why they had the Japanese release of Prozac Nation.

Anyway, the two movies i bought were. . .

Waking Life.

I had seen this movie some years ago, mostly as inspiration for a shortfilm i made for school some years ago.
It’s very philosophical and very enlightening,  if you get a chance to see this movie.  I strongly suggest you do.

Black Sheep

Haven’t seen this movie yet. It’s about mutant zombie sheep going crazy in New Zealand. Nice to see an unusual idea, hope they executed in a similarly unusual manner.  Will it be Jurassic Park with sheep?  Night of The Living Dead with sheep? Babe with zombies?  Only time will tell.

In other current news, MJ fixed my pc. He is a genius in jeans.

The worst show on TV

Nnnnngh.

That’s a cry of pain.

Everytime i watch Date My Mom, i feel tremendous pain.

It’s downright depressing, when i watch it i loose all faith in humanity.
And the only thing that can comfort me is imagining the horrible hell awaiting the creators after they die.

I know you might say “don’t watch it”, but thats not enough. Just knowing that this show exists, and that people watch it makes me very… very.. sad.

Only when every contestant, producer, crew member is gone for hundreds of years.

Only when every tape, copy, iteration of this show is purged from us.

Only then can i rest, until that glorious day comes. I will never know true happyness or tranquility.

Only suffering, pain, agony, torment.

Please, don’t watch this show.

Jumper

I saw Jumper yesterday with my brother.

I was rooting for Cloverfield but he wanted to see Jumper. Why? I have no idea.

If you go in with low expectations, this movie is definitely watchable. Just know what you’re getting before you go in. If you don’t know, the movie is about a guy named David who discovers he can “jump”, which is basically like teleporting. I though’t, before seeing the movie, that it was going to be like Nightcrawler from X-Men, who can just port locally. But David can port wherever he wants.

I’m not gonna write down the whole plot here, just the things that bugged me. Because I like doing that.

So.. here is what you get.

Plotholes.

I’m gonna go ahead and spoil the movie for ya here because it won’t really compromise the experience at all.

First of all.. I always feel sorry for directors of superhero movies, or any movie where the main character discovers his or her superpowers. Because how would you react if you had super strength or the ability to fly or teleport or whatever. It’s not easy. Some movies do it well, some don’t. This one was kinda… bland.

He discovers his power one day when he falls through thin ice on a lake after a bully throws a snowglobe he had given to his crush. So he’s under the ice and suddenly he “jumps” to the library. Nobody raises any questions as to how he got there, with all that water. I’m gonna give them the benefit of doubt and assume the students thought he just.. fell.. with a bucket of water. His initial reaction isn’t bad. He’s kind of freaked out. But after that it’s as if it’s nothing special, he goes home to his so-called abusive father. Who didn’t even seem like a bad father, although he is labeled as one several times. When David returns home his father asks where he has been, and mentions his supper has gone cold (how dare he worry where his son has been, and what right does he have to make supper for him!?) David just ignores him and walks up to his room and looks the door. His father follows him up and tells him to clean up the mess he left downstairs (he was still wet from “water incident”). David decides he can’t take it anymore and runs away by jumpage.

Here’s something I did like though. How they conveyed that David is not a superhero. In one scene he is in his fancy apartment and he’s watching a news broadcast about some people stuck in a flood. On the news they mention “only a miracle could save these people”. *hint hint* But David just smiles at the TV and ports to go hang out in England. Indeed our protagonist is a selfish bastard. Horay.

What I didn’t quite like was how it seemed like there was no one else in the world except the main characters. All the time while he was jumping he would often do it in public places, and only once during the whole movie did they make a thing out of someone noticing the jumping. Otherwise it would be something like “whoa, where did that guy come from? Oh well, I guess it was nothing”. It reminds me of playing Tenchu, where you would savagely kill a guard and run away, and the other guards (who would sometimes witness said slaying) would just shrug and act like “Oh, i guess it was just the wind” and keep patrolling on his old route.

I feel like i should mention David’s love interest but I’m not going to because it’s not very interesting.

So let’s move on to the antagonist. Or should I say antagonists. The bad guys are called paladins (made me giggle) and they hunt Jumpers. Because indeed there have been jumpers ever since the middle ages and they are “among us”. The paladin leader is played by a white haired Samuel L. Jackson. He is just humans but he seems to be able to take an unnatural amount of beating as well being able to survive incineration. I don’t know if it’s high fire resistance. Or just a paladin bubble (sorry, couldn’t help it). The explanation of why the paladins hunt jumpers isn’t really satisfying. They’re like fanatic religious and keep claiming that “Only God should have the ability to be everywhere at once”. They incapacitate the jumpers by shocking them with electric current which prevent them from jumping. They use something that looks like Daredevil’s baton, only these ones are also tazers.

Also the paladins are treated as if they are the only people in the world. They are indeed bad people because they kill innocent people alot. Why do they never go to jail? I don’t know. I honestly don’t. Why is there never any suspicion raised as to why this David guy keeps popping up in the middle of the street? I don’t know.. I don’t know.

There’s also this whole thing with mother being a paladin and that she abandoned him when he was five blah blah blah. It doesn’t matter because that whole subplot is so poorly presented it shouldn’t have been in the movie in the first place.

David deals with Sam Jackson in the end. Not by killing him though. No, because David is different, he’s a good guy right? He says “I could have dropped you with the sharks”. But instead he just ports him to a remote cave in a canyon and ports back, leaving him behind. I honestly think Sam would have preferred the sharks, because the cave was probably as remote as they get and he is most likely going to starve to death.

At least we can rest assured he’ll be able to fend off any snakes that might show up.

PS: Sorry about the long rant, I don’t expect anyone to read all of, but if you don’t you’ll miss the subliminal message I left somewhere in the text

I want to see this movie

No, it’s not Cloverfield

Rather The Fantastic Four, but not the one you’re thinking of!

I came across this while reading about the N-Gage on wikipedia, there was a link there to Call Of Duty, which had a link to Harry Gregson Williams, which had a link to X-Men Origins: Wolverine, which had a link to Marvel Comic Book Movies, which had a link to the entry on… The Fantastic Four. Don’t you just love where you can end up from browsing Wikipedia? It’s like everything is linked together somehow.

Apparently, some production company had the rights to make a Fantastic Four movie, but as the rights where about to expire they had to make something not to lose them. This movie was never released, and was never intended to be (unknown to the director and crew at the time of production)

So, i looked around. And found this delicious trailer to the unreleased 1994 version of The Fantastic Four.

Suddenly the 2005 version doesn’t seem so bad.