chickens are people too

I like chicken. It tastes good, but you can’t taste the horrible beating some chickens endure to reach the final destination of delicious cuisine. 

http://www.kentuckyfriedcruelty.com/

Nom nom nom of evil.

the msn the world forgot

On a poor recommendation from Tukun I decided to download and try Msn 9.0.
This event set loose a chain of events that would lead to relentless frustration and confusion.

The problem was that Msn 9 is horrible. It has this weird annoying design and I instantly longed for my old msn with the custom black color. It didn’t take long for me to start looking for the old install file, but of course it was long gone. So I had to download it again. The odd thing was.. that the internet had almost seemed to condemn and forget its existence. Like an enforced disappearance it was nowhere to be found.

The first file I found turned out to be msn 7.0. That won’t do it. I found several other downloads that swore to be msn 8.5. Either the install file didn’t work, or it was actually msn 8.0, or like one of the versions, which was in Spanish. I would have rolled with it, but it also turned out to be a non-working install.

It took me a total of 7 tries, that’s 7 downloads to get it right. That’s how stubborn I am.

It was like some weird Twilight Zone episode.  Msn 8.5 is arguably one of the best msn releases, but now good luck finding it.

Still though, this msn 8.5 i settled on doesn’t have the cool color options my old one had. So no more slick black msn for me I guess.

For those interested, here is the one I found (via mess.be)

let’s take a giant crap on a classic movie

Have y’all seen Lady and The Tramp?

A classic Disney movie, truly it is.
Surely it would only be fitting that Disney would be the one to defecate on this all time favorite.
I’m sure there is some odd forest animal that poops on it’s young, maybe to keep them warm. I don’t know.
Either way, Disney is just like this animal.

BEHOLD, AND TREMBLE IN HORROR

 

Disney and Paris Hilton’s bastard lovechild.

the crow remake

 

I hated that movie, and now. . they’re gonna remake it? What the hell?!

perfection defined?

I have seen the end. The end of all beings, the end of all suffering and ultimately . . the end of all joy.

Last night I had a dream, there were many things going on.  I can’t even recall the narrative of the dream itself, the only detail I remember was eating that juicy hamburger. It wasn’t just a normal burger, it had juicy sauces and two, yes two meat patties. And in the middle? A big STEAK. Tripple meat action. My god it was the biggest burger I’ve ever seen. I wasn’t the only person eating there, everyone was consuming some sort of otherworldly adaption of their favorite food. Lasagna, spaghetti, pies. . . each of these foods at their highest point of evolution, perfected by some celestial being.
I’m sure my cries of joy were audible in the silent night.
When I suddenly awoke all I could do was realize what a cold and dark place the real world is, without the shining beacon of hope. Juicy meaty hope.
I sat in my bed for hours and cried . .   tears of barbeque sauce.

dear facebook users

Take a hint.

Why would I want a 3D-puppy? There is something wrong with you people.

so you have to play tokio hotel on guitar hero . . .

Like most people, you probably checked out the Guitar Hero 4 setlist before buying the game.

I was a fool for not doing so. Much too late i discovered the game is tainted by the foul horsemen that are Tokio Hotel.
Knowing all along they’re there somewhere, within the depths of the game scared me. Knowing it’s on the way and inevitable much like death itself. And then the time came; Monsoon, by Tokio Hotel.

I have created a guide of sorts, think of it as a Bible to prepare for the rupture, of what to do when you reach the dreaded song.

You can do it the easy way, and simply mute your TV. But the image will still haunt you, knowing the notes you are hitting are in fact that of Monsoon.
The safer approach is to get someone else to do it for you, a local hobo perhaps, who will surely perish under the strain of the song. So make sure you get one nobody will miss.
I took it a step further, as my neighborhood is devoid of hobos, drifters, beggars or any sort of bums.
Through rigorous research i made the startling discovery that my cat, perhaps all cats, are immune to Tokio Hotel, and indeed all sorts of poorly produced music. My dear feline sat through the entire Minutes To Midnight album without as much as dent on her sanity to prove it. With my harsh training methods, I trained my cat to play Guitar Hero. She’s not very good mind you, she can barely beat it on easy. But I think we can all agree it’s the preferable option compared to losing my sanity. Whatever’s left of it anyway.

Remember the end of Thelma and Louise? When they speed off the cliff and remember the good times? That’s what playing the song is like, try to remember how much fun Beat It and Today was. . .

Good times.

Bus Drivers Are Made Of Shit

Before I get to the main topic of my rant, let me tell you what a good day I had yesterday. At work I recruited 5 members so I felt pretty good about myself. Even of the people I didn’t recruit most of them were pretty nice people.

Yesterday, I felt overwhelmed with good fortune. Today however, my luck needed to be balanced.

Usually when I get on the bus, be it morning or evening, the driver simply glances at my buspass and lets me walk on by to sit down. They rarely pay special attention to any validity the card may have, it’s somewhat of a silent agreement between passenger and driver. Kind of a mutual trust, they trust we don’t sneak on the bus, and we trust he won’t drive us off a cliff because he’s having a bad day.

But today the busdriver decided to scrutinize my pass. He noticed that the date I had written on it didn’t correspond with the date that had been stamped on it. These dates are stamped on the first trip you take with a new card. I told the driver; “I know they don’t correspond, they never do.” I went on to tell him every busdriver who ever stamped my card has never stamped the current date. He then went through all my old passes and said “None of these stamps correspond”, I told him again.. “I know. They never do!” He found it fair to confiscate my card, due to his colleagues screwups, which have apparently gone unnoticed for years, as he is the first one to point this out.

Based on this experience I have come to the conclusion that busdrivers are complete idiots, who can’t do their jobs right. And the one person who did do his job right, decided to be a dick about it.

Thank you karma for balancing my luck, you prick.
Let me finish this off with another haiku.

Useless busdrivers
Tomes of pure incompetence
Do your god damn job

don’t worry, i’m soulstoned

Long time no post, nobody cares.

Since we last spoke, you and me, I finished school (for now) and I received a B on my student film. I am pleased.

I spent many moons slacking, until a few weeks ago when I got a job. If you know me very well, you are probably laughing. Hold your mockery until I tell you what job I have.

I’m a recruiter for Amnesty International. It’s like telemarketing, but I work on the streets, kicking it real with my homies. Face2Face, as the project is called.

I’m not a very outgoing person, you know this. In many cases I’d rather cut my tongue off than speak to a stranger, and that’s why this job is good for me. Until recently I was pretty damn useless at it too, but I’ve been improving this week. The best part of the job is the people though. No, not the countless people on the street who reject us, but the people I work with. They are all awesome, barely any assholes at all.

So if you see us in the street, take a minute to talk. You will be enlightened and our spirits will be lifted.

In other news, my internet connection has been unstable due to thunderstorms. But it’s better now.

I’ve been hanging out a lot at GiantBomb.com lately, its a pretty cool site.

Opeth’s new album rules.

I have a cat, she is awesome.

I shot the sheriff.

pills ahoy

Remember those pills i was talking about? The ones that seemed to do more harm than help?

Well yeah, i was right. They were pretty damn useless, because i’m not much better.

Alright fine i’m lying, the situation has improved. But the fact is, i have new pills now. Rejoice? Let’s.

These do not turn my insides into a furnace, nor do they taste like something out of an Auswitch garbage can.

To be honest the aftertaste is kind of nice.

To get to the awesome part, they look like stereotypical doctor pills. Indeed much like those used by Dr. Mario himself. This is cool.

This is not cool; they come in metal packs which seem to cut my finger almost every time i open them.

PS: i know i haven’t updated much lately, i have the best excuse; i am lazy